nut hugger
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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