So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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