So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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