Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
