Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
