Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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