And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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