I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
