i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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