Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You are a genius and a whore.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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