so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
