I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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