all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
