my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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