your thong is hanging out like whoa
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
