Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
