I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
