i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
