You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
