I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
