Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
