you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
