It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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