I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
