areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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