Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
