They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
