OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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