Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
