his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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