i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What drink are we having for lunch?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
