woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
why is half of my head shaved?
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