I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
