I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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