why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
