I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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