whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So many bounce houses so little time
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
