I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
