I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
