I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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