Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
