I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
