Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
