i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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