He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
