So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
