you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
