you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
