It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
