Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
