You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
