Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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