He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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