ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
